Saturday, January 12, 2013

Red Gem

My heart, yes this one, it resides cold beating in my chest.
My hand, yes my left, a heart sits on my second last finger.
Hearts all over but with each heart on my body,
just reminds me how lonely the only important one is.

Never been one to grow attached to things or anyone,
and I was a fool to think that nothing could go wrong,
with how alone I've always been, I thought I was at home
but when I fell in love, I couldn't be anymore wrong.

And now I feel so very alone when I was alone before
that loneliness could never compare to this
I cant cry no longer, for my heart can't keep up with this,
With confidence I pack my stuff and close the door.

I've got nothing left inside of my chest for now
and once these hearts mend to the shining red gems,
with my tears unshed no longer falling from my eyes.
My life will fall into place and begin its everlasting hems.

I often find myself here thinking about these past lulls,
how my hems were hemmed and a new story in their place
growing tall it seems like I'm gazed upon castle walls,
and I feel stuck, for my past has still the strong embrace.

Fighting to what's to come of me next,
struggling and fighting for air.
Moving forward seems lethal out of context,
but my strides stress and suppress each step fair.

I gaze upon my hand and pulling my thoughts,
immediately a smile stretches across my red full lips.
I have been his all along just avoiding this path, which fits,
It's you, all along that has already had me caught.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Poison

How do I change the course I'm on
with each twist and turn,
with each decision
how do I not burn
those who love me
and care most,
how do I not hurt them
for how black I feel
today and every day.

Burying myself on this path,
for I've seen it before,
should I try to change,
I do daily.
to lead me estrange,
but ever familiar
to make the same
broken mistake
all over again.

I hate for who I am,
some days,
which lead me different ways,
but somehow
someway I go unchanged.
fearing what I'd hate to become,
taking, hurting others
for what I am,
who I am.

So how do I find that path
where I wont be like them,
my blood, its all around me,
I fear the pattern,
which consumes me
controls me, not yet
I am in here fighting
for me, I wont be like them,
for this poison,
it cannot win.